


Getting Even

by Sargentpepper23



Series: Trapped, but along for the ride [3]
Category: One Piece
Genre: F/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-06-25 13:51:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19747060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sargentpepper23/pseuds/Sargentpepper23
Summary: She knew what she had to do.  Kid’s latest prank was the final straw in his long list of teasing.It was time to get even.





	1. Chapter 1

They woke to screaming. Blood-curdling, ear-piercing shrieks that ricocheted down the hall. Some crewmembers fell out of bed and expertly threw their shoes on, preparing for an impending attack. A few, hearing the loud reaction and had anticipated it, rolled over in their bunks and pressed a pillow against their grinning faces. The half-dressed pirates preparing for an assault threw their doors open, only to see a blur pass by them at lightning speed. Eyes readjusting, they realized the blur was actually a woman sprinting down the hallway, pushing and shoving concerned pirates out of her way.

Waking to the sound of the woman screaming, Killer sighed, mentally cursing Kid, knowing he was somehow involved and rolled out of bed. He peered over at his clock and groaned at the early hour. Sluggishly clipping his mask on and successfully finding his shoes, he trudged down the hallway already feeling a headache forming.

Having reached the kitchen, Killer found the woman. She had taken up a defensive stance on top of the table, wielding a frying pan in one hand and bleach bottle in the other.

Her hair was a mess, the lines from her sheet had created indents along the left side of her body, and the dim kitchen light did little to hide the lingering fear and approaching anger on her face.

At the moment, armed with her "weapons," including Heat's leopard print lighter sticking out of her shorts, Killer thought she looked nothing short of a vengeful goddess. Ready to strike down the foolish mortals who had enraged her.

Mentally preparing for the upcoming conversation and wincing at the thought of it, Killer glanced up and was not surprised by the look on her face.

In the two minutes it had taken Killer to make it to the kitchen and assess that she was ok, the woman's adrenaline and fear had melted into anger. The glare she pinned the first mate with was intense enough to level a house and promised violence for those who stood against her.

Facing her wrath head-on, Killer was glad to be wearing his mask. It felt less like holes were being bored into him and provided comfort in the face of this irate adversary.

_I've never seen her this mad before. Whatever Kid did, he better be careful with how far he pushes her._

Practically glaring daggers, she pointed the frying pan at him in a threatening manner and growled, "Did you know about this? WERE YOU A PART OF IT"?!

Running a hand across his mask, Killer sighed, "No, but I also don't know what "this" is."

Her facial expression changed, and Killer immediately regretted how he had answered her question.

Still maintaining her murderous look, she twirled the frying pan in her hand and aired her grievances.

"Oh, you don't know? Well, let me tell you. Your captain thought it would be a great idea to sneak into my room while I was conked out on cold medicine and put LIVE CENTIPEDES AND TARANTULAS ALL. OVER. MY. BED"!

It took everything Killer had to remain still and shove down the laughter bubbling up in his throat. His mask conveniently hid the mirth shining in his eyes and oversized smirk glued to his face. _Damn, he got her good._

Even with the mask on, she sensed his amusement. "This is NOT funny"!

"No, it's not, not in the slightest."

Pointing the pan at him as if it were a sword and uncapping the bleach bottle, she scowled, "Don't you dare lie to me! You were in on this weren't you"!

Eyeing the bleach in the event she decided to ruin his new pajama pants, he cautiously stepped backward, slowly raising his arms in surrender "I swear on my scythes I didn't know anything about this."

As if she was able to peer behind his mask and see the honesty written all over his face, she lowered her makeshift weapons and recapped the bleach. Her glare did not waver, but she seemed to have determined he was innocent of the crime.

With a predatory and slightly crazed look in her eye, she seethed, "I'm going to kill him. I swear on everything holy I am going to MURDER him."

Pacing on top of the table, she continued her rant. "You know what? After I finish the job, I'll mount that ugly, oversized prosthetic of his above my bed, so everyone knows what to expect when they cross me."

Coughing in an attempt to keep his laughter in check, Killer rolled his eyes at her dramatic monologue. The woman was nearly a foot and a half shorter than his captain and had the fighting skills of a drunk cat. The worst she could do is try to push him overboard, and even then, she is too weak to actually do it. "Ok Drama Queen, calm down, they were just bugs."

She froze in place and eerily similar to a haunted doll, her head mechanically turned, showcasing a manic smile and eyes that bored into him. "Bugs. BUGS?! Those creatures aren't bugs. _Bugs_ are small and can be squished in a paper towel. The fuckers your captain planted in my room fall under animal control's jurisdiction"!

Killer couldn't help it, a chuckle slipped out of his throat.

Eyes blazing, she growled, "Don't you fucking laugh, THERE WAS ONE IN MY HAIR! Why don't we stick a couple in your majestic mop and see what you do"!

Cocking his head at the compliment, Killer smugly replied, "You think my hair is majestic"?

Mouth agape, she gave him a look, "Is that the only thing you heard? How nice I think your hair looks? No stop it, don't try and change the subject on me"!

Ego swelling from her praise, Killer was only half disappointed his redirection didn't work. However, he mentally filed her compliment away with the intent to press the issue another day.

Moving on, Killer shrugged, "You know he is just messing with you, right? It's his way of teasing."

"Teasing? You call that teasing? I can put up with him stealing my books and pulling my chair out from under me with his creepy magnet hands. Hell, compared to this, I can ignore the fact that he has made a game out of how many times he can flick nails through my clothes until I notice. But this, this takes the fucking cake. Spiders and "bugs" larger than my thumb are categorized under the "FUCK NO" section in my brain."

"I really don't think he-" _Is that whistling?_

Both Killer and the woman glanced towards the open door, listening to the cheerful tune approaching them. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed she had stiffened in recognition of the song and her fury from minutes past was reforming around her like a hurricane.

_Shit. Maybe I should have worn my arm guards for this. Who knows what the hell they will try and do to one another._

Sliding in front of the woman's position on the table, Killer mentally and physically prepared for what was to come.

Still whistling, Eustass "Captain" Kid strolled into the room a few seconds later, red hair in disarray and sweat pants hanging low on his hips.

Kid's amber eyes seemed to glow with an unholy light and combined with the scars and the smug smirk on his face, they only enhanced his devilish appearance. These features _almost_ covered up the bags under his eyes, highlighting just how exhausted he was. With a few crewmembers, he had spent hours yesterday cutting through the most recent island's thick jungle, fighting natives and catching bugs. Then, he set his alarm for 3:30am to release the critters onto the woman's bed.

Any other day, he would have slept until at least noon. However, seeing her standing on his dining table half dressed, eyes gleaming with barely restrained wrath, he decided his lack of sleep was well worth it.

Leaning against the doorframe, Kid feigned ignorance and asked, "You look a little agitated, did you not sleep well last night"?

The woman exploded, "YOU ASSHOLE! I AM GOING TO NAIL YOUR BALLS TO A FUCKING WALL"!

_Oooh, she's PISSED! I should have done this sooner._

Kid's grin widened as he leisurely walked towards her, his gaze briefly settling on Killer's defensive posturing. _Looks like Kil's going to be playing referee this round._

Even though she stood on the table, they were eye level by the time Kid reached her. Now within touching distance, her rage seemed unending, and if it were possible, he would have been burned alive by the sparks in her eyes.

Still eager to push her buttons, he slowly looked her over not bothering to hide the satisfied smirk at her disheveled, underdressed state.

Her eyes are always the first feature he looks at. It wasn't the color of them that caught his attention, but rather how expressive they are. Right now, if looks could kill, he would have been brutally murdered several minutes ago. Her hair was even more tousled from sleep than usual, and faint lines from a pillow marred her face. She was wearing a shirt that only half concealed the fact that she wasn't wearing a bra, and a lighter he recognized as Heat's stuck out of the elastic of her sleep shorts. He was pleasantly surprised to note her bare feet were positioned in an almost near perfect defensive stance that Killer had taught her last week. On his way back up, he observed her hands and was amused to see Wire's beloved frying pan and a bottle of bleach occupying them, both of which were pointed aggressively in his direction. Last but not least, he was pleased to note the iron cuff he had forged and attached to her left wrist reflected in the kitchen light. He had attached it with the intention of keeping her close if needed. Only occasionally would he use his devil fruit powers against her and make her smack her own ass.

Locking eyes with her again, he noticed her anger had increased minutely over the past few seconds.

_Hmm, I thought she would have gone after me by now. Let's see if I can fix that._

Reaching out with his flesh hand, he cupped her left shoulder and slowly ran his thumb across her collarbone, calluses scraping against her smooth skin. Having never received _that_ kind of attention from him before, the woman was surprised by the sudden, yet gentle contact. She shivered in pleasure while narrowing her eyes, instantly suspicious and nervous all at once.

Her anger momentarily forgotten, her cheeks flamed and nerves leaked into her voice. Stammering, she asked, "Wh- what are you doing"?

Kid grinned. _Gotcha._

Still caressing her collarbone, he gave her a lustful look and huskily replied, "Just checking to see if you have any bugs up your shirt, they tend to turn me off." Leaning over to whisper in her ear, breath caressing her neck, he continued, "You know, I could always check the rest of you. You can never be too careful with things that fly, crawl, and lay eggs in people's ea-"

She swung the frying pan faster than he would have given her credit for. However, he was faster.

The pan flew out of her grasp, and her now empty right hand was pinned to her side by his much larger prosthesis. Her bottle of bleach was knocked from her left hand before she could process the loss of it.

Grinding her teeth, she noticed the frying pan hovering above them, conveniently out of her reach.

A grunt recaptured her attention, and her raging orbs slid to Kids. The ravenous look in his eyes, seemingly searching for something, hit her like a punch to the gut and she froze. After what must have been a few seconds the look receded and so did he.

The woman couldn't decide if she was relieved or disappointed by his withdrawal.

Lost in her scrambled thoughts, she stumbled off the table and did not see the hand reaching down until it was too late.

Flinching at the sudden contact, she was unprepared for Kid to pat her head like a _fucking child._

Whirling on him with a glare and a sassy quip on her tongue, he silenced her with a finger pressed to her mouth.

She considered biting the offending object lingering on her lips but thought better of it.

Clucking his tongue at her, Kid lost himself to his own thoughts, "I really thought I had mounted that pan out of your reach. Guess I'll need to fix that. Though now that it's down, eggs do sound particularly tasty at the moment."

Knowing there was no point in fighting with him now, she brushed his hand aside and moved to leave the kitchen with as much dignity as possible. She had been soundly defeated. Grumbling under her breath at the nerve of the overgrown man-child, Kid's voice called after her. "Hey, I hope you sleep tight tonight. I've heard there's a bad case of the bed bugs on the ship right now."

She stalked out of the kitchen, hearing Kid and Killer high-five, laughing at the lame joke.

She knew what she had to do. Kid's latest prank was the final straw in his long list of teasing.

It was time to get even. 


	2. Chapter Two

The woman got her revenge four days later, or at least, that's what everyone was lead to believe.

Sitting at breakfast with a tea mug in her hands, her bored gaze passed over the sluggish movements of the crew. Many of them were lined up at the counter, craving caffeine in some form or another.

They had witnessed her spectacular freak out days ago and still found it hysterical. Many continued to tease her with ridiculous bug jokes, and a few were brave enough to run their fingers across her back, mimicking a spider.

She hated it, wanting nothing more than for them to forget about it.

The crew's laid-back morning was interrupted by a hollow thud, followed by cursing, that filtered down the hallway.

Taking a quick sip of her tea, she smiled into the mug and snuck a look at the clock. _Heh, right on time._

The person in question shuffled around the corner looking a little worse for wear. His unruly hair resembled someone who had stuck a fork in an electrical socket and judging by the gear imprint on his forehead, he had fallen asleep at his desk again. To top it off, his pants were on backward, drawstrings swinging like twin tails.

To put it mildly, Kid looked like a hot mess this morning.

Snickering under her breath, she leaned back in her chair to get comfortable for the upcoming show.

Having spent several weeks aboard the ship, the woman had picked up on the fact that the ornery captain was sluggish and more ill-tempered than usual before his morning cup of coffee.

Wincing at Kid's state and sympathizing with the captain's early morning struggle, Killer pushed Kid's cup of coffee over to the edge of the bar. The sharp scent of the hot liquid was pungent in the air, and the steam rising from the cup only increased its temptation. Like a fat kid eyeing a Twinkie, Kid couldn't resist its call and was lured across the room by the promise of caffeine and a better mood.

Sensing the monster heading towards them, crewmembers crawled over each other to allow him space at the bar. On more than one occasion, someone would not be able to get out of the way and would end up with their head through a wall. After a while, Killer got tired of patching the head-shaped holes, and Kid refused to fix them, grumbling "They should have just stayed the fuck out of my way." To compromise, Killer had hung pictures, covering bad patch jobs and inadvertently giving Kid multiple targets to aim at.

The picture immediately to the right of the bar was a favorite target of Kid's and had obviously been patched multiple times. The stitching was crooked, and Heat had tried and failed, to accurately repaint two of the Kraken's tentacles that were ripping the mast from the distressed ship.

Returning to the present, she saw the crewmembers had scattered in record time, and Kid had reached the bar, leaning over to inhale the coffee's scent. Taking a long, slow gulp of the miracle drug, he released a satisfied groan at the taste of it.

Blearily cracking his eyes open further, Kid slowly navigated his way back to the head table and set his coffee down before lowering himself into his chair. In his half-asleep state, he failed to notice the chair was slightly tilted and leaning to the left.

The woman tried her best to keep the rising grin off her face. _God, this is going to be hilarious._

Her prank was simple and had required very little work. All she needed to pull it off was duct tape, a screwdriver to loosen some screws, and an air horn.

As Kid's weight settled onto the chair, the unstable piece of furniture couldn't support his weight and collapsed. She watched the redhead's eyes widen as his body slid sideways, feet rising in the air. Unable to catch his balance at the sudden movement, he landed flat on his back. As the chair collapsed from his weight, the air horn deliberately placed under the seat sounded, scaring the shit out of everyone in the room.

Several of the crew spat out their coffee in surprise and reached for the hidden weapons taped to the bottom of each table.

Killer, midway through flipping a pancake, was startled by the noise and accidentally threw it at the ceiling. The batter stuck to the wood with a wet smack and hung precariously above the stove.

At that moment, Heat, who had been wolfing down a plate of poached eggs and English muffins, felt his half-chewed food fall out of his mouth in shock. He glanced sideways at Wire and saw a piece of bacon crumble as his friend clenched his hands, eyes resembling an owl's.

Now wide-awake, the crew stared at one another in shock and fear. Who the hell would be stupid enough to prank Kid, let alone this early in the morning?

The silence didn't last long. It was easy for everyone to hear the noise that resembled a dying hyena. The pirates turned their heads and noticed it was coming from the woman, who was curled in on her self.

Unable to keep it in any longer, the woman uncurled her arms from her mouth and stomach and laughed, LOUDLY. She was laughing so hard she was having difficulty breathing. Tears poured down her face as the scene replayed itself over and over again in her head.

She regained her composure for a brief moment, only to start howling when the pancake that was stuck to the ceiling fell, landing with a loud slap on Killer's mask.

Still laughing, she contemplated the gravity of what she had done. _Oh well, fuck it. That was definitely worth whatever shit Kid throws my way now._

Hearing a growl, the crew whipped their heads back towards the other side of the room. Kid's hand slammed on the table as he regained his balance and slowly rose to his feet. His rage carved deep lines into his face, bringing more attention to the scars etched into the left side.

Rounding a table, he pointed a finger at her and scowled, "Did you do this"?

Rolling her eyes at him and sipping her tea, her noncommittal shrug followed by a coy "maybe" pissed him off even more.

Flicking his finger, the iron cuff on her left arm dragged her arm and body out of her seat and into the air.

Seeing the bloodthirsty pirate stalk towards her, the only thing the woman regretted was not getting the whole thing on video. _Hmm, I'll have to remember that for next time._

When he reached her, he towered over her and proceeded to invade her personal space. Kid was so close she could smell the coffee on his breath. Still hanging in the air, Kid gripped the back of her neck with his hand and dragged her face to meet his, noses touching at their close proximity.

Watching from their seats, the crew thought this might finally be the day the captain kills her.

Slightly squeezing her neck, Kid glared at her. His eyes reminded her of an erupting volcano, powerful and destructive to any who failed to flee from it. However, his gaze also conveyed a slight satisfaction at her successful prank. He had been expecting something like this. For her to lash out and remind him that the kitten has claws.

A manic grin stretched wide on his face, and he leaned over to chuckle in her ear. "If that's the best you can do, I'm disappointed."

He released his hand from her neck and relaxed the magnetic grip on her cuff, dropping her back into her seat.

Slouching back in her chair, her visible pout convinced Kid and the crew that her grand prank had failed. Inwardly, she was glad she had gone through with it.

His guard would be down, and he would never think this was phase one of a two-part plan. She downed the last of her tea and hid her satisfied grin, excited for what lay ahead.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, everyone! Life has kept me busy and on my toes the past week and a half.
> 
> There is a slight reference in this chapter to my other story, "The View." However, you do not need to read it to understand its part in the chapter. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!

Three weeks later, part two of operation "I need to teach that motherfucker a lesson" was in motion.

It began with the arrival of both the Straw Hat and Heart pirate crews. The alliance members had converged on an island in a relatively calm region of the New World to strategize on how to defeat the remaining Emperors.

The second day on the island, one of the Straw Hats got lost and fell into a mud pit. Covered head to toe in mud, he finally made his way back to the meeting place, his green hair resembling water-logged grass in the late afternoon sun.

Seeing the filthy swordsman, she smiled. This fit her prank’s needs perfectly.

~~~~~~

During that night’s banquet, the woman plopped down next to Straw Hat and asked him a question.

“Hey, can you keep a secret”?

Curious beyond reason, Straw Hat leaned in and smiled wide, “Yeah”!

Looking around in mock suspicion, she whispered, “Captain Kid is bored.”

Luffy eyed the rival captain, who was laughing with his crew about setting bugs loose on someone’s bed. “Really? I think he looks just fine.”

"I promise you, he's bored. Just the other day, he was complaining to me about how he spars every day, and not _one_ person has been able to beat him.”

Luffy dropped a fist into the palm of his other hand and grinned as if he understood the problem, “Oh, so he just needs his ass kicked”?

Biting her lip to not laugh, the woman smirked back, “Uh, no. I think he really just needs a challenge.”

Luffy sunk into thought. “Hmm, well maybe I could-”

The woman cut him off, “I was thinking, have you ever heard of mud wrestling”?

"YES,"!

“Shhhhhh!! Keep your voice down, I don’t want him to hear”!

Luffy sheepishly grinned, but his eyes shined with glee. He and his brothers had done this when they were kids, and he had loved every second of it.

Responding to his enthusiastic reaction, she continued persuading the rubbery man. “We both saw how your swordsman came back today. He said there were dozens of pits on the island. Why don’t you surprise Kid and take him to one? Challenge him to a match and see what happens”.

Now determined to literally beat the other captain out of his funk, Luffy nodded vigorously and promised that Kid would be feeling much better by tomorrow afternoon.

Strolling away from the captain, she internally cheered. _One down._

Spotting her next target and meeting his steely gaze, she grimaced, _one more to go._

Walking up to the banquet’s makeshift bar, she poured herself a shot of tequila and knocked the poison back in one smooth motion. The alcohol burned as it slid down her throat and left her feeling warm and fuzzy.

Taking a deep breath, she looked back at the intimidating man and noticed the nodachi leaning next to him. Staring at the weapon, a realization hit her like a truck. _Holy fuck, that thing is taller than me._

Her eyes flicked back and forth between man and weapon, over and over and over again. _Nope, still not drunk enough for this._

Turning back to the bar, she grabbed the bottle and poured another shot, needing more liquid courage. Slamming the glass down on the table, she gave herself a pep talk. _You can do this. He’s a doctor. He swore a Hippocratic oath to do no harm, and you haven't done anything to piss him off._

Mustering up her courage, she began marching in his direction, only to spin around and pretend to admire a barrel when the doctor looked her way. Her eyes distractedly tracing the whirls in the wood while her mind conjured every horrific way he could experiment on her. 

She remembered a newspaper clipping she saw years ago. The sadistic captain had earned the title of Warlord by delivering the still-beating hearts of one hundred pirates to the Navy. The precision and brutality of the crime had scared her then. It further terrified her now that she was within twenty-five feet of the man.

Dizzy, she rested her arms on the barrel and squeezed her eyes shut, forcing herself to think of anything other than the murderous captain. _This will all be worth it when it’s over. Just do it!_

Digging her fingers into the lip of the barrel, she pushed herself up from her low position. Glaring at the snarling wolf her mind had mapped in the wood, she pushed down her fear. _Ok, suck it up butter-cup. Put on your big girl pants and ask him the damn question._

Hearing unsteady footsteps heading towards him, Trafalgar Law grinned under the shadow of his hat. _Guess she’s finally decided to talk to me._ He had watched the woman try and fail to approach him for the past half-hour. She was obviously terrified of him, but desperate enough to ignore the frantic alarm bells ringing in her head.

After her feet lurched to a stop in front of him, he peered up at her from his seated position and drawled, “I see Straw Hat is excited about something. Anything, in particular, I should know about”?

Planting her feet and clutching her left wrist, she looked the surgeon in the eyes

“I need a favor.”

"Oh,"?

She stuck her left arm in his face so suddenly she lost her balance and nearly toppled over, almost whacking the amused captain in the nose. “I need this off.”

Practically going cross-eyed to see just what exactly was in his face, Law stared at the crudely shaped iron band wrapped around the woman’s wrist. The bracelet was skin-tight and had obviously been warped by Kid to fit her at some point or another.

Only slightly put off by the ugly piece of jewelry, Law coolly looked her over, wondering why she wanted it off so badly. “And why should I help you”?

Taking a deep breath, she uttered her would be death sentence if Kid were to overhear them. “If you get this off of me, I’ll tell you the time and place of my next prank against Kid, and I promise you do _not_ want to miss it.”

Law considered the tempting offer and already began thinking of multiple ways this could benefit him. Mind racing, he eyed the band again and put two and two together. “You think Kid will kill you if your prank succeeds and he catches you”?

“It’s not a matter of _if_ he will kill me. He _will_ , without a doubt, kill me."

“…I need to know more before I agree to this.”

_Damn, he wants to know the plan._

Seeing no other option, the woman unsteadily sat down next to the captain and told him everything.

His eyes widened as she described specific details, and by the time she had finished, a smirk was plastered on his face. He nodded quickly, “It’s a deal” and grabbed her wrist.

She jerked back in fear, “Wait! Are you going to cut my hand off? I’m not ready to lose it! I know you’re a doctor, but what if something goes wrong and it doesn’t re-attach! WHAT IF I END UP WITH AN UGLY PROSTHETIC LIKE KID! HOW AM I GOING TO-“!

"Done."

“Huh”?

She warily looked down at her wrist and saw bare skin. Horrified, she turned towards Law and saw him inspecting the band with a disgusted look. “Did you seriously cut my hand off and re-attach it like it was nothing”?

He looked at her quizzically, “Of course not” and waved the scalpel he always kept on his person at her. “I just sliced the metal and then reformed it.”

_Oh, thank God! Wait…_

“Shit, no put it back on”!

“What? You said you needed it off”!

“If he notices I don’t have the band on, he’ll know something is up! You need to take it off tomorrow after he gets back”!

Law was not fond of her ordering him around, but she had a fair point, “Fine.” Less than ten seconds later, the band’s natural weight rested on her wrist.

Breathing a deep sigh of relief, she turned to thank the captain for his upcoming help but ended up yelping as a drink landed in her hands seemingly from out of nowhere. Peering at the captain, he also had a drink. He leaned over and clinked his glass against hers “A toast, to good fortune, pranks, and blackmail.”

Raising their glasses, they smirked at each other and took a long sip.

~~~~~~

_The next morning_

Kid was more pissed than usual. He had walked out on deck to enjoy his morning cup of coffee when Captain Moron, AKA Straw Hat, launched himself at him like a fucking rocket, nailing Kid in the forehead, and hurtling them both into the island’s boggy terrain. With no natural metal embedded in the ground, Kid was unable to slow his fall. He ended up face planting into a mossy slope, rolled down the hill, and finally slowed at the edge of a cliff. No sooner than a second later, Straw Hat leaped from a bush and _Sparta kicked_ the disoriented man off the ledge and into the mud pit below.

Slipping and sliding in the slick mud, Kid wiped the dirt from his face and rose unsteadily to his feet. Beyond livid, Kid roared with enough force to scare the birds from the trees, “WHAT THE FUCK STRAW HAT”?!

Laughing at the angry captain, Straw Hat leaped down and walked to the other side of the pit, cracking his knuckles as he went.

Adopting a fighting stance, Luffy’s determined gaze met Kid’s as he spoke, “I heard you haven’t lost a fight in a while. I think it’s time I changed that.”

Baring his teeth and releasing an animalistic snarl, Kid widened his feet and raised his fists, "I’d like to see you try Dipshit.”

~~~~~~

She had been awake since the sun came up, anxiously waiting for some sign that Kid was gone. Two hours later, her prayers were answered when she heard the faint echoes of “what the fuck” in the distance.

She breathed a sigh of relief. _Thank you Straw Hat._

Rolling out of bed, she threw on an outfit she had recently painted in and grabbed a pair of surgical gloves from her emergency kit. Needing to get to the rest of her supplies, she bent down next to her bed and grabbed the bedframe. Dragging it across the room, she winced at the squealing sounds the bed made and hoped no one had heard it. Walking back to the now-empty corner of the room, she lifted the sixth board from the wall, revealing her most precious trinkets and recently added prank necessities. Grabbing everything she needed from her hideaway, she stuffed most of it into a towel and slipped an extra bottle of body wash into her shower caddy.

Closing and locking her bedroom door behind her, she passed Killer in the hallway, also toting a towel and a plethora of hair products. Seeing her carrying all of her shower necessities, Killer thought nothing of it as he turned around and unlocked Kid’s cabin so she could use the captain’s shower. The assassin was grateful Kid had finally agreed to let the woman use his shower, instead of kicking everyone else out of the locker room.

Wrinkling her nose at the sight and smell of Kid’s room, she locked the door behind her and waded through the mess. Bobbing and weaving through the piles of dirty clothes, mechanical journals, and a lone boot hanging off the poster of his bed frame, the woman eventually made it to the bathroom. She kicked the door closed and flipped both the light and fan on, checking out her workspace. Grinning like a Cheshire cat, she set her stuff down. _This is going to be fun._

_~~~~~~_

True to his word, Luffy kept Kid busy until late-afternoon.

The woman was sitting on the deck reading a book when she heard a distinctive squelching sound. Peering over the book’s spine, her eyes widened as she watched what appeared to be a mud monster stomp up the gangway. The creature was absolutely _covered_ in mud, and it pushed up and out of his boots with every step. She grimaced as the stench of the foul goo smacked her in the face, its intensity almost making her eyes water.

_Oh, this is SO much better than I thought it would be._

Feeling eyes on him, the monster, AKA Kid, slowly turned to face the woman currently occupying his favorite lounge chair. He visibly saw her shudder as his enraged gaze met her alarmed one. Walking closer, he stopped at the foot of the chair and snarled, “What the fuck are _you_ looking at”?

_Some kind of smelly, oversized animal with a dysfunctional personality._

Picking up her glass and slurping the last of her drink with a straw, she eyed the furious captain and gave him an answer she knew would further piss him off. “Only the man who’s blocking my view.”

She could almost see his non-existent eyebrows twitch in irritation underneath the slick mud. 

Leaning over, he snatched up her glass and chucked it overboard. Sticking a finger in her face, Kid growled, “You’re lucky I’m pissed at someone else right now. Otherwise, you would have gone overboard with the cup."

Standing back up and trudging off in the direction of his room, Kid continued “If you’re not out of that chair by the time I’m done showering, I really will keelhaul you.”

_Best not push him now. Not when he’s going to lose it as soon as he hops out of the shower._

She dog-eared the book and slid her shoes on as she stood up from the chair. “Fine, I was about to hang out with Straw Hat’s crew anyway.”

A knife whizzed by her head and embedded itself into the mast, a low snarl echoing after it, “Mention his fucking name again, and you're dead.”

_Ok, point taken. Guess Kid's still touchy about getting his ass handed to him._

Stepping over and around the mud tracks, the woman almost made it down the gangway. Jerking back, she half jumped at the winking eyeball blooming at her feet. Rolling her eyes and sticking her tongue out at it, she got off the ship and strolled across the beach to where Robin and Nami were lounging in the shade.

Hearing footsteps, Nami looked up from her magazine and smiled when she saw her friend walking towards her, “Robin says some brute just crawled its way on to your ship. Please tell me it was Kid and not some sludge monster.”

The woman chuckled, “Yes, that was Kid, and he smells worse than he looks at the moment. For your sake, you might want to force your captain to bathe before the smell forever lingers on your ship.”

Robin softly laughed and glanced up from her book, “I heard you are to thank for their current states. Want to share your plan”?

The woman shook her head and smirked back at Robin, glad the archeologist was reading between the lines. “I promise the surprise will be worth it. I give it another ten minutes until shit hits the fan.”

Time seemed to drag as the three women eagerly anticipated the upcoming shit show. Somewhere within those few minutes, Law walked over with a video snail in his hand. Stilling as he stopped right next to her, the woman tried not to jump as the surgeon gently grabbed her wrist and began fiddling with it. Trying to distract herself, she glanced at the snail then nervously made small talk with the captain, "You know I have several up on the deck right"?

Law looked up at her with a troublesome grin and released her wrist, “I know you do, but I want an extra one for my own benefit. This will be the perfect blackma-“

Shit hit the fan

It started off small. Law’s sub made a groaning noise as it shifted in the water and the previously calm waves began rhythmically lapping against its hull. Similarly, the other docked ships started to creak and slightly vibrate from an invisible pressure.

Disturbed by the sounds and movements on the ships, crewmembers wandered out to see what was going on only to gasp as unsecured pieces of metal began floating in the air.

Robin and Nami looked over at the woman’s reaction, only to be disappointed by the neutral look on her face. Beside her, Law more than made up for her lackluster response. He was smirking like a cat that ate the canary, his video snail humming as it recorded.

Nami’s iron engraved bookmark was pulled from her magazine when a voice like thunder ripped across the beach “GODDAMNIT! WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE”!

Unsure of what was going on, Robin and Nami swung to look at the woman, who had finally donned a shit-eating grin. Laughter danced in her eyes as she met their gaze. Their anticipation nearly killed them by the time she finally spoke, “Did you guys know I have a stash of mushrooms native to Wano? The locals use their medicinal properties to aid with common digestive problems. However, if it’s stewed correctly and a base is added to the mixture, the mushroom solution acts as a temporary dye.”

Eyes wide at the impending chaos, their brains scrambled to piece together what she was revealing.

“I bought them in the hopes I could re-dye one of my shirts, but I couldn’t find anything that would permanently set the color. After Captain Jackass stuck those creatures in my bed, I thought this would be the best way to use them.”

Nami’s log pose was going nuts from the increased magnetic field, the thrashing crystals were all aimed at the Kid pirate’s ship. Scraps of metal flew through the air and slowly swirled around the ship, mimicking a tornado. _He’s coming._

Still keeping her eyes on the Straw Hat women, she continued her explanation. “All I needed was an excuse for him to be filthy, and after I saw Zoro return from his adventure yesterday, everything fell into place. I suggested to Luffy that mud wrestling would be fun and he took care of the rest. You saw Kid when he came back, he was _disgusting_.”

Robin’s bobby pins had long flown from her hair leaving black locks shifting in the soft wind, and Law’s nodachi was trying and failing to flee from its master, the captain's firm grip refusing to relinquish it.

“I switched out his body wash bottle with my doctored one when I showered this morning. It takes a minute or two for the skin to react to the dye, but with the excessive amounts of mud and steam trapped in that little bathroom, he won’t even notice he’s changing colors until its too late.”

 _Crack!_ A cannon mounted to the Kid pirate’s ship ripped free from the deck and menacingly rose to join the dark cloud of metal hovering above the bay.

“Know what the best part is? I don’t even know what color he’s going to be. The twelve regional variants of the mushroom are identical to one another, and there is no way to tell what color you have until it reacts with something organic.

Both women were staring in horror at her. Nami finally asked, “Of the twelve different kinds, how many did you buy in Wano”? 

The woman’s shit-eating grin grew, “I grabbed _all of them."_

 _CLANG!_ The metal door leading into the interior of the Kid pirate's ship blew off its hinges, and a humanoid figure lunged out of the doorway.

It took three seconds for the group to recognize Kid, blink and rub their eyes in disbelief, and begin _howling_ with laughter.

The man was _BLUE!_ A bright, royal blue that would have clashed terribly with his hair, except it had already taken on a magenta tinge from the combination of the dye and his fire-engine red locks. He wore nothing but a white towel slung around his waist, and it was easy to tell he had washed _thoroughly._ Not a spot on him resembled his former pale skin tone.

Kid heard the woman’s laughter from the deck and became even more enraged. He searched for the familiar singing of her iron band and snarled when he sensed it. Throwing his hand out, he latched onto the band’s tune and pulled it as hard and as fast as he could. He expected to see the woman come flying at him. Instead, something shiny streaked across the beach and slammed into his palm. Glaring at his hand, he was just as surprised as he was angered to see only her band.

Glaring daggers at the group, he recognized the woman, Straw Hat’s navigator and archeologist, and Traf- _THAT FUCKING DICK, I BET HE TOOK HER BRACELET OFF!_

Movement caught his eye, and he saw red as the woman momentarily reigned in her laughter and proceeded to wave at him, “Oh my god, Kid, that doesn’t look so good. Did you pick up some kind of blueberry disease”?

“I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU! YOU HEAR ME? I’M GOING TO RIP YOU APART WITH MY BARE HANDS AND FEED YOU TO A HOARD OF TARANTULAS”!

She rolled her eyes at his melodramatics and continued to feign innocence. “No seriously that doesn’t look good. I think you should see a doctor. What if it’s contagious? What if it’s permane-.”

She instinctively ducked as the metal door hurtled towards her then suddenly disappeared. Glancing at the captain next to her, she watched him lower his hand as he turned to her and shrugged, “You think I’m going to stand by and let you die after you pulled this off”?

Grateful for Laws actions, her eyes darted back towards Kid as he sent more debris flying at her. Thankfully, every time something came within range, Law replaced the shrapnel with small, insignificant objects. Feeling more confident, she grinned back at the pissed-off blueberry, “Just out of curiosity, is _everything_ blue”?

They got their answer when Kid unleashed a blood-chilling howl and hurled the remaining stockpile of metal at the group.

Without warning, the ground momentarily disappeared underneath the woman’s feet before she felt them softly land on the deck of the Thousand Sunny. Robin, Nami, and Law were still beside her, and their laughter was ringing across the beach. The half-contained snorts and giggles of other crewmembers joined with them as they took in the ridiculous sight of a blue Kid.

Snickering, the woman turned to Law and loudly asked, “Hey Law, have you ever witnessed a literal case of blue balls before”?

Everyone but Law howled at her teasing. The doctor snorted in amusement, “No, I don’t think I have.”

“YOU THINK THIS IS FUCKING FUNNY? WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I’L-”

The woman interrupted him, “Oh hush, you’ll be fine! All you need is a little bit of extra elbow grease to get it out.”

Kid positively radiated rage. His whole body was trembling with pent up energy, and his fingers itched to squeeze the life out of the woman. _One of these days, I’m going to kill her in the most gruesome way possible._

The smug woman crossed her arms and stared the captain down, “Just a friendly reminder Kid, you can tease me all you want, but don’t you _ever_ put bugs in my bed again.”

Turning around, she and the group walked towards the Thousand Sunny’s kitchen, leaving Kid seething on his deck. The last one to reach the door, she stopped, looked over her shoulder, and metaphorically poked the bear one last time. “Well, what are you waiting for? It’s going to take a few hours to scrub all that dye out. I’d start scrub-a-dub-dubbing if you want to make it to dinner tonight.”

The door shut with a click right before a steel pole slammed into the wood.

~~~~~~~~~

An hour later, Killer walked into the Straw Hat kitchen ready to ~~praise~~ scold the woman, but before he could say a word, she tossed a bottle of apple and cinnamon scented body soap at him. Killer cocked his head to the side, confusion apparent in his body language.

“Here, you might want to go give this to Kid. I lied when I told him it _only_ takes an extra bit of elbow grease to get the dye out. Regular body soap will wash it off in no time. I just wanted to let him struggle for a bit.”

Rubbing a hand over his mask, Killer wondered why he was so unlucky to be stuck with not one, but _two_ immature children.


End file.
